The concert mistress of the local orchestra asked me to submit a bio and photograph for the upcoming concert. I always read musicians' biographical statements with a jaundiced eye because of course they are always written to create a certain perception. Why should you want to hear this person play? Because he or she graduated from an important school, won this or that competition, performed in other instances without incurring too much shame.
What I might have written is: MB is playing the solo in the Mozart Piano Concerto because the orchestra was not able, given its budget, to get a better soloist. She is probably doing the best she can, but during the fast movements, perhaps you would do better to read the program notes or converse quietly with your neighbor. She made her own dress and bought that stunning necklace on e-Bay. If she gets into serious trouble during the concerto (knocks the book off the rack, has to sneeze, loses her place), please try to create a distraction. If she makes it all the way to the end and plays the last two notes correctly, please clap very loudly with relief. She has had a lot of piano lessons, but she is very nervous.
I picked out the only flattering photograph ever made of me (attached), but my husband pointed out that the picture is fly-specked, creased, and fifteen years old. We substituted a candid shot in which I look tired.
3 comments:
You are so funny! Wouldn't it be great if people were honest in their resumes, too?
"Camille spent 8 months following graduation wearing a terry cloth robe and watching Oprah with her pregnant mother..."
Can you imagine the reaction to a resume like that? If I read that on a resume, I would absolutely have to meet the writer!
Mikie - You look gorgeous! I would love to see that photo on the dustjacket of either your next work of fiction or your autobiography. Looking forward to the concert and nervousness is a sign of professionalism. All the greatest performers get stage fright.
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