“too much change in too short a period of time"
and coined the term “information overload.”
“I need new
underwear,” he said. He was rebinding an old philosophy book, but he put down
his tools and pulled at the waist of his trousers.
“What’s
wrong with your old underwear?” she asked.
“It’s too
tight around the middle,” he said. “I need a bigger size.”
“I’ll order
you some from Amazon,” she said. “Large instead of medium.” She was not very
skilled with modern technology, but she did know how to send e-mail and ask
Google questions and order things from Amazon.
Amazon, it
turned out, had thousands of types of men’s underwear. She looked at page after
page, trying to find something like what he usually wore. He didn’t want boxer
shorts or white Y-fronts, so that left something called briefs. Some of the
offerings were suggestive and others were downright naughty. She was fascinated
(and a little scandalized) by the offerings. Finally she found something that
seemed like what he was used to wearing and ordered four pairs in Large.
When the
package arrived, two days, Amazon Prime, he opened them, liked the colors, and
held up one pair to his waist. Then he looked at it more carefully.
“It doesn’t
have a, well, you know.” The briefs were designed with a decisive curve in the
front seam, but no front opening.
“Well, how
are you supposed to go to the bathroom?” she asked.
“It looks
like they’re more interested in showing off the little man than accommodating
him,” he said. “Could you maybe sew an opening or something?”
She raised
her eyebrows. “That would be pretty complicated. I mean, you can’t just cut a
hole in them. You have to have more fabric and stuff.” After a moment, she
asked again “What do you suppose people do? Is this some new thing?”
She went to
her computer to Google it.
How do men use the bathroom when their
drawers don’t have a fly? She typed, not really expecting an answer. But
there were lots of answers. She read posts on one thread, explaining various
techniques for men urinating while wearing briefs with no front opening. Undo
belt or don’t undo belt. Right hand hooks around the elastic while the left
takes aim. Sit down. There were many arguments for and against various types of
men’s underwear and many helpful technical hints, one even using the word micturition. She was torn between
surprise and hilarity.
“I can’t
believe what I’m reading,” she said.
“Maybe they
don’t make the regular kind any more,” he said, sadly, in a voice that had
lamented the gradual demise of many different regular kinds of things: Woolen dressing
gowns, trans-Atlantic ocean liners, dial telephones.
She
repacked the underwear and took it to UPS. He went to a nearby Ross store and
found some drawers that had the proper front opening. They were enormous,
however, so he used his bookbinding cord and needles to take some tucks in the
waistband.
“Well, you
are nothing if not resourceful,” she said. “You might have used staples.”
“Staples
would rust,” he said.
